Connection Is The Opposite of Addiction But How Is Connection Made?

In 2015 a journalist by the name of Johann Hari shared a powerful message on addiction at the TEDGlobal conference. He explains that for 100 years, prohibition strategies across the world have been doing the exact opposite of what they should be doing if societies want their addicted people to get better. Connection is the answer, not punishment Johann says. He is right, but what kind of connection, and how exactly is it made?

The Rat Park described in Hari's video describes a healthy community for rats. Plenty of space, and full of things that rats like. If a rat is taken away from the park and isolated in a cage, the rat will self-administer morphine until they become addicted. When reintroduced into the healthy community the rat will most often "quit" voluntarily. The results of this study draws an interesting parallel to modern life.

We are increasingly finding ourselves tucked away in suburban houses, and shoe box apartments. Working, and spending more time at home in general. Many of the institutions where a sense of belonging exists have decreasing attendance such as religious services. If we don't feel connected, our life can feel like a cage.

A unique aspect of the human experience is that isolation can be psychological, as well as physical. This is best explained by the common ordeal of feeling alone in a crowded room. How we perceive our community and environment is important. Stuart McMillen, an Australian artist drew this cartoon to depict the Rat Park experiment. Stuart poses a thoughtful question. He asks "What if the difference between not being addicted and being addicted... was the difference between seeing the world as your park... and seeing the world as your cage?"

Often people who become addicted end up structuring their lives around their substance use. They cut off contact with people who refuse to tolerate their use, and become embedded in a drinking or drug subculture, or isolate altogether. This means that part of the solution is being selective towards pro-social, or recovery supportive connections.

Finding a sense of direction is important.

In a world filled with too many choices it's easy to feel directionless. Whether feeling disconnected in your relationships, work or your love life, cultivating a sense of purpose can not only help, it can be life changing. Therapy can provide a space to process your thoughts and feelings while you explore this new vision for yourself.

When you have developed a realistic and achievable purpose for yourself, you gain a sense of identity. You are no longer an addict, you are a student, a father, a wife and so on. It is the mechanism in which you connect with your community. It is something that you can fall back on, a way to ground yourself.

Purpose isn't something that we just imagine. It has to be something that we can achieve and that we'll be good at. It takes introspection and self-awareness to understand what that is. In the beginning when finding your purpose, your purpose can be as simple as preparing to have one. This takes time, effort, and a willing support network.

You first need the opportunity to connect, and then have to want to.

This want can be obstructed by beliefs developed over a lifetime. Beliefs that may have protected you in the past, and do not serve you anymore. Beliefs of not belonging have to be challenged with evidence. This is where counselling can help. A counsellor who you have strong rapport with can help you challenge these beliefs by walking alongside you while you experiment with alternative ways of being. 

Honesty is the fundamental building block of connection.

Honesty is possible where trust is created. You can create opportunities to find purpose by changing the environment and social network you find yourself in, and practicing trust and being trustworthy. This could include going to a support group or trying out new things. Purpose isn't just a story that we tell ourselves, it's a road map to connection.

If you are interested in taking the next step for your mental health, please contact me, or book an appointment here for in-person counselling in Victoria, BC, and online counselling anywhere in British Columbia.